I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
