I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
