Jerry, you need to find god
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
