I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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