Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
