I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize