Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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