omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
