I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize