3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
