just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
