Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
