even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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