More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize