I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
