"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
