he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
