I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize