Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
