It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
