R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im six kinds of drunk right now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
