can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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