I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
