so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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