i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
