I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
