part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
