David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
