On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm gonna fight the coyote
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize