how can u be prego again
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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