is wine microwaveable?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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