There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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