So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
