i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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