this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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