Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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