I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
