i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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