This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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