Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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