I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
