So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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