I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
