you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize