i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
