Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
