Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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