My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
