so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
