you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
