i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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