hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
