he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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