I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i drank out of a bidet.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
