You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm really busy with my period
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