Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
