That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
