i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
