I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
