Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
