Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
