im calling her cock vulture from now on
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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