is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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