I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
