I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
