Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
