Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
