i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
