The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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