Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
