Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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