Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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