you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
