And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
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