This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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