Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You smell like stripper and shame
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
