maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Panties = found
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
