This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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