trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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