um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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