Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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